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October 8, 2011
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Streets of Gold
"You're way too young to fall apart...„
Chapter 12

  It was cold outside. Colder then it should be. "Do you think you'll need an extra jacket?„ Tom looked over at me again. I shook my head, kindly refusing. "No, I'll be fine. It cant be possibly that freezing out here, to me at least. But thank you.„ I kept my arms crossed as we walked. I did not feel like holding hands or hugging or anything like that with anyone. Instead, I felt sick. Utterly and horribly, oddly sick. I don't know why. But I didn't like it.
  Not at all.
  "So where are we going, exactly? It's only 09:00, Tom. We cant be going somewhere too special.„
  "Oh, it's somewhere special. Everywhere is somewhere special to someone, so I treat everywhere as such.„ I looked over at him, quickly looking away; back down at the ground. "Good theory,„ I started, "But I cant do that with possibly everywhere.„
  "It takes time.„
  "Doesn't everything, nowadays?„ I looked the opposite way of Tom when I said that. I felt him look over at me, but he didn't say anything. I guess I can take that as a yes. We walked for some time, probably more then four or five miles. But this, I really didn't care about. The entire time, me, nor Tom, said anything to each other. I just had my arms crossed and I kept staring down at the ground. That's all  I did. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to interact with anyone, I did not want to do anything. I actually wanted to curl up in a dark corner somewhere and fall asleep.
  So I didn't wake up.
  Tom finally had the guts to look over at me after a few more minutes. "What's wrong, Bill?„ he slowed down a bit but I kept up in pace with him. I didn't look up from the ground. "Nothing,„ I breathed out heavily. "I'm fine.„
  "No you aren't.„
  I looked over at Tom and scowled. "What's it to you? Why do you need to know what I'm thinking?„ damn, I sounded like a bitch. A flat out bitch.
  Good going, Bill! I applaud you for that! Hahahaha, shut up me. Fuck me and my mind, I want to die.
  "Nothing, I just want to know what's up with-„
  "Just lay off me, okay?„
  "...okay.„ he sounded pitiful; almost helpless at the fact that I wouldn't tell him.
  Okay, I'm letting everything get to me right now. Honestly. Why cant I lay off the guy? He's not the one who needs to, as me. No, it's the other way around. Aren't I dumb? Ha, yes, I am. But isn't that lovely about me? I'm a rude ignorant bitch, and that's what everyone SO loves about me.
  I really hope you got my sarcasm in that.
  "Pfft, forget this.„ I turned the opposite way and headed away from Tom. He turned and stared at me. "What? The fuck? Bill-„
  "Look, Tom. I'm really pissed off for no reason right now. There is nothing wrong. I'm serious,„ I lied through my teeth, "I don't want to be any meaner to you. So I'm just gonna turn and walk the other way, okay? Go live your life and I'll live mine,„ I turned slightly but looked back over my shoulder. "I'll call you if I can.„ I started walking again. I heard Tom's footsteps at a quick pace behind me. "Bill you aren't just going to do this to me,„ he stood in front of me. "I don't do this to you.„
  "That's because I barely know you, you barely know me. Can we keep it that way for right now, please? We can deal with this later.„
  Tom grabbed me by my waist and pulled me into a long kiss. My eyes widened slightly, not expecting any bit of it.
  "We cant deal with this later,„ he kept his lips close to mine. "Because there might not be a later for me.„
  Tom really knew how to make it so I was speechless. He seemed professional at that. I stared into Tom's eyes. Deep, hard, stared right at him. Wait... No. This Tom... The Tom I've been in love with for the past months... No. It cant be. He isn't. He's not. No way... No way at all.
  "Are you... Tom Trumper?„ I had a really difficult time saying those words. I pretty much choked them out. Tom blinked, not changing his facial expression. "Yeah...„ he said. "Why?„ my eyes widened. I finally knew where Tom had fit into my mind so well. Tom Trumper... Thomaz fucking Trumper.
  I backed away slowly and out of Tom's reach. "No. You get away from me.„ I felt myself start to panic again. "You hate me like you always have.. Get away...„
  Tom was probably just as confused as I was astonished and terrified. "What? Bill what is wrong with you?„
  "You always fucking hated me!„ I shouted. "Get away from me!„
  "Bill I don't hate you! Listen to me-„
  I turned and ran the opposite way. I could hear Tom shouting after me, even though I didn't bother to look back. I ran. I just ran. I didn't care where I was going but I wanted to be away from him. Tom Trumper. Tom Trumper. The kid who always fucked with me. The teenager who always tried to fight me. The senior in secondary school that always wanted me dead. Tom Trumper, back to ruin my life. I wouldn't let him this time. Not then, not now, not ever.
  I slowed my pace down to a job and then a walk. I'm sure I'd outrun him. Being an athlete in school seemed to pay off, a lot, because I always had to run from something. Let alone a person like Tom Trumper.
  I wasn't breathing heavily or panting, I was normal, weird enough. I dug through my back pocket and pulled a wad of cash out. Fifty, one hundred, two hundred... Seven hundred and forty-five Euro's. Enough to get a plane ticket to somewhere else. Probably just a flight to Leipzig, or Berlin, or Hamburg, anywhere. I didn't want to be in Munich. Not at all. It was enough knowing who Tom finally was... But I don't want to be around him. No. Not again. Not ever.
  "You run awfully fast,„ Tom grabbed one of my arms from behind. He was breathing as heavily as ever. "Don't just dart away. Don't ever do that. Now explain.„ I turned my head quickly to look at him, but I damn well knew I shouldn't try to pull away from his grip. "You're the kid who hated me,„ I started. "If you remember I'm Bill. Kaulitz, if you will.„ I turned to face him. "You, Tom Trumper, wanted me dead. I'm never going to forget that of you. But you- You-„ I stuttered over what to say.  "You're a fucking bastard... I wouldn't even dare spit in your general direction.„ I yanked my arm away from Tom and walked off, quickly, in the other direction. He didn't shot back for me, he didn't follow me, he didn't do anything but just stare as I walked away.
  What. A. Pussy.

  "Hey,„ I leaned back and looked at the man sitting at the table behind me. "Do you have any paper?„ he looked at me, slipping a small piece of blank white paper in my right hand, turning away. "Thank you...„ I muttered as I sat back upright. I sipped at my caramel frappuccino; I was sitting in Starbucks. I pulled a pen out of my pocket and scribbled down my thoughts. I had to, I needed to get my thoughts down on paper or I would forget them.
  I just started down with the first words I thought of.

He's My Mystery....

He's all I've got.
He's all I don't have.
He's my laughter and my cry.
The Devil of my heartache,
The Angel of my dreams.
What is he?
A believed betrayal perhaps...
A truth too sweet to believe?
Thoughts of him flow into perplexity,
Yet he eases my mind,
Nurturing my soul...
Will I ever be his happiness?
Or
Will I be left with only a hope and small memory?
That's alright.
He is my miracle,
I owe him too much.
Maybe the pain of this love will pay it off,
Maybe my wish of endless happiness for him will come true.
Who know what tomorrow holds...
For him...
For me.

  Scribble disgrace of a poem, I thought. I can do better.

  
I hate my life.
I can't sit still
for one more single day,
I've been here waiting,
for something to live and die for
Let's run and hide.

Out of touch
out of time,
Just get lost without a sign.
As long as you stay by my side

In your shadow I can shine..
In your shadow I can shine..
In your shadow I can shine..
Shine...

You see my soul,
I'm a nightmare,
out of control I'm crashin'

into the dark,
Into the room,
into the world,
of our cocoon.

You are the sun and
I am the moon.

In your shadow I can shine..
In your shadow I can shine..
In your shadow I can shine..
Shine..

Don't let go!
Oh, no oh.
Don't you know

In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine

Shine, shine, shine

In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine
In your shadow I can shine

Shine, shine, shine

In your shadow I can shine..



  Better. But still not like I wanted. I turned the little paper over and started scribbling more words onto the back.


Is there anybody out there walking alone?
Is there anybody out there, out in the cold?
One heartbeat lost in the crowd

Is there anybody shouting what no one can hear?
Is there anybody drowning pulled down by their fear?
I feel you, don't look away

Zoom into me, zoom into me
I know you're scared when you can't breathe
I will be there, zoom into me

Is there anybody laughing to kill the pain?
Is there anybody screaming the silence away?
Just open your jaded eyes

Zoom into me, zoom into me
I know you're scared when you can't breathe
I will be there, zoom into me
Come closer and closer

When you can't breathe
I will be there, zoom into me

Zoom into me, zoom into me
When the world cuts your soul into pieces
And you start to bleed

When you can't breathe
I will be there, zoom into me



  Okay. I suck. I fail. I cant write worth shit, right? Yep. I folded the piece of paper in half and shoved it in my pocket, crossing my arms against my chest. I slid down a little in my chair. I didn't want to interact with anybody, and I mean absolutely nobody, right now. I turned my head down so my dreads were covering most of my face. Fuck my life, I thought. Fuck my life.
  "Sir,„
  I looked up, and a woman was standing next to my table. "Yes?„ I said, my voice actually was just above a whisper. "I noticed you from across the way,„ she started. "Would I be able to talk to you?„
  Are you fucking kidding me.
  "Sure,„ I said. "You can get to know me if you want.„ she smiled, sitting down across from me. "Okay, so what's your name? Mine is Ria.„
  "I'm Billiam. You can call me Bill, though.„ she raised an eyebrow. "Billiam? That's- That's an odd name.„ she giggled slightly. "I know, my mother named me.„ I shifted slightly in my seat, moving some of my hair out of my face. Ria watched as I did so. "Are those dreads real?„ she turned her head slightly. I nodded. "Yeah. I got them done a few months ago.„ I looked at her as I slipped back down to how I was sitting originally. She smiled. "I like them.„
  "Thanks, I guess.„
  "It's nothing.„ she giggled. "Do you have a girlfriend?„ she seemed to perk up a little in her voice. Slut, I thought. "No. But I have a boyfriend. Well... I don't know. I don't really know where me and him stand on that kind of relationship.„ Ria stared at me. "Are you gay?„ I looked back up at her. Yes, I thought. Yes I am, because I don't like girls like you. "No... I don't know.„
  "Oh, okay.„
  And all was silent.
  Fucking slut.
  "So, how old are you, Billiam?„ "I'm 19. Far from being 20.„ I wasn't looking at her this time. Instead, I was staring down at my hands. She shrugged. "Okay. I'm about to be 19. In January.„
  "Oh cool.„ I could tell this conversation was leading to nothing.

  "Dumb little slut,„ I said to myself as I walked out of the coffee shop. I shoved yet another piece of paper in my pocket, the bitches phone number. I wasn't going to call her, fuck that. I'll just sit in an alley in Munich somewhere, okay? I'll go to sleep and never wake up.
OH JESSSSS. :squee: IT'S DONE.
It took me and my friends forever to think this chapter up.
Hope you like!:heart:
Credit to ~Billkaulitz4life for the first poem. :D
Other two poems belong to Tokio Hotel.

But see, ~AlienAngelSixx? I brought Ria into it. :la:
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:icondeathoffallenones:
DeathOfFallenOnes Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
hmm...ICH WANNA HUGGLE BILLA :huggle: ((speaking of mr bill. he just finnshed his *counts* 6th tattoo...same hand as the freinheight 89 and twin tattoo, and has color, but no clue what eet looks like cuz its covered in ice right now...poor dear went through pain..))
Reply
:icontommi-lancaster:
Tommi-Lancaster Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Professional General Artist
hand tattoos hurt. :noes:
Reply
:icondeathoffallenones:
DeathOfFallenOnes Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah
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:iconbillkaulitz4life:
Billkaulitz4life Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2011  Student Artist
ah! Yay! My peom does fit into the fiction, I went back and read the other chaps :) How dare Billiam say my poem is a disgrace! Lolz, jk...nice chapter, though pretty good drama you have put in
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:icontommi-lancaster:
Tommi-Lancaster Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2011  Professional General Artist
Thank you :meow:
Reply
:iconbillkaulitz4life:
Billkaulitz4life Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2011  Student Artist
welcomez
Reply
:iconalienangelsixx:
AlienAngelSixx Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Great, now I have to slap two people!!
You, 'cos you told me to for some wierd reason, and Billiam because he's way too hard on his songs XD

Seriously, you turned him into that perfect poet guy sitting in the corner of Starbucks. Tomi, stopthat. Now I want one.XD *drives an hour and a half to the nearest Starbucks and waits...*

And I would have totally done the same thing as Ria here. Exept I'd ask to sit instead of ask about the girlfriend thing then just pull out my iPod 'cos I'm such an awkward turtle and wouldn't be able to make conversation .XD
Reply
:icontommi-lancaster:
Tommi-Lancaster Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2011  Professional General Artist
I'd just start talking to him even if he didnt want me to. XD

And yes. He's the little perfect poet sitting in the corner of Starbucks in Germany. :meow: I had Starbucks when I wrote that part, actually :D

BUT SLAP ME D: *has face foreward again* Pleeeaasse?
Reply
:iconalienangelsixx:
AlienAngelSixx Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
You know the 3 letters I thought of through the whole chapter? P M S XD I reeally don't know why ;)

Meep I need to go to a Starbucks, take a reference pic then draw a boy writing in a Starbucks ^^ AAH Inspiration, I have no time for you at the moment.

Okeyyyy I'll slap you. *taps hand on cheek as lightly as possible* Muahaha
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:icontommi-lancaster:
Tommi-Lancaster Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2011  Professional General Artist
*flies backwards dramatically* YOU SLAPPED ME D: okayno XD

There's a Starbucks every block in Los Angeles. xD I've only seen one here in Germany.

And yes. Billiam is on his man-period. XD
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